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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296209">The Sonnets: A Rose By Any Other Name Smells Like What Now?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Supervillains_Goatee/pseuds/The_Supervillains_Goatee'>The_Supervillains_Goatee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Transmigrator Bros Break The Multiverse [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Honey badger don't care, No Beta We Die Like GongYi Xiao, Shen Qingqiu Snarks A Lot, Shen Qingqiu Swears A Lot, Sorting Hats are Abused, otaku behaving badly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:40:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,980</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Supervillains_Goatee/pseuds/The_Supervillains_Goatee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I have decided to edit this series. Some chapters will be shifted from previous works in the series and new chapters will be added. This section will be mostly ill advised Harry Potter crossovers. </p><p>Liu QingGe: So how goes married life?<br/>Shen QingQiu: Luo BingHe got drunk and set our marriage certificate on fire. He said, "Good luck trying to return me without the receipt."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luò Bīnghé/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Mòběi-jūn/Shàng Qīnghuá</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Transmigrator Bros Break The Multiverse [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1375135</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In canon Shen Yuan's transmigration System used to work for a Transmigrator in the Harry Potter book world. Xin Mo can travel between worlds. You know that Cucumber and Airplane are going to abuse their fan knowledge, right?  ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Why Did The Succubus Date The Witch?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>Shen QingQiu most stern and rigid blank mask quivered ever so slightly while his inner fan boy squeed in giddy, joyous anticipation. </p><p>Shang QingHua was openly vibrating with anticipation and was rubbing his hands together in delighted anticipation over the object of their obsession.  </p><p>Luo Binghe looked around the Headmistress of Hogwart's office with befuddlement. His dearest husband and Shang-Shibo went into raptures about this shabby foreign cultivational sect. He saw nothing that would compare it to Cang Qiong Mountain. However, while he didn't know why his husband and Shan-Shibo were obsessed with the foreign sect and it's <em>Tsukumogami</em>, Binghe decided as always whatever it was Shizun wanted, Shizun was going to get!</p><p>Professor Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts, hands on hips, was glaring at them with all the outraged fury of someone who'd just been told a precious and priceless historic artifact was being looted and there was nothing, absolutely <em>nothing</em> she could do about it and "the British have been looting other civilizations for over five centuries, turn about is fair play!"</p><p>"Well, what else would you gentlemen like? Mirror of Erised? Perhaps you'd care to look the Armory or the hall of tapestries?"</p><p>"No, thanks, but we will peruse your greenhouses in a bit!"</p><p>"Outrageous!"</p><p>"Oh, come now Professor McConagal, there's no need to be salty! <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/nov/04/british-museum-is-worlds-largest-receiver-of-stolen-goods-says-qc#:~:text=British%20Museum%20is%20world's%20largest%20receiver%20of%20stolen%20goods%2C%20says%20QC,-Geoffrey%20Robertson%20says&amp;text=The%20British%20Museum%20has%20been,%E2%80%9Cconquerors%20or%20colonial%20masters%E2%80%9D.">Perhaps in three or four centuries we'll generously rent your precious historic artifacts back to you!</a>" </p><p>It was too much! Minerva McGonagall <em>harumpfed</em> in fury turned tabby and stalked out of the room with all the loathing and disdain a British moggie could project. </p><p>The Cultivators turned back to the object of their mission. Godric Gryffindor's hat. Luo Binghe reached out and took it down from it's shelf and offered it to Shizun and Shang-Shibo. </p><p>"Well, then now that we've gotten rid of her. Let's get down to business...Shen-shidi, do you want to do the honors first?"</p><p>The Sorting Hat spoke, "Don't you think you lads are a bit <em>old</em> to attend Hogwarts?"</p><p>"NO!!!" They both roared. </p><p>"Very well then, put me on and we'll sort you."</p><p>"Do the song! Do the song!"</p><p>"Oh for....!"</p><p>"Do the song! Do the song!"</p><p>"Don't you think you two are being rather childish-"</p><p>Luo Binghe held up the hat so it 'faced' him and growled, "Shizun, wants you to sing....so <em>sing</em>!" And plopped the hat onto Shen Qingqiu's head. </p><p>"Righty ho, a song it is then! A-<em>hem</em>, Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do! I have another puzzle for you! Oompa Loompa doom-pa-da-dee! If you are wise, you'll listen to me! Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat-"</p><p>"Oh, <em>shut up</em>, I am not Verruca Salt!"</p><p>"Cucumber-bro, you kind of are though."</p><p>"Oh, shut up and tell me which House I belong to!"</p><p>"Hufflepuff."</p><p>'LOL, wut' peaklord.brain.exe stopped working</p><p>"What!?", yelled Shan-Shibo</p><p>"What does that mean? Are you insulting Shizun? You better not be insulting Shizun!"</p><p>"WHAT?" Shen Yuan's brain stuttered back to life. "I'm a scum villain....you were supposed to say Slytherin!"</p><p>"I was guessing Ravenclaw."</p><p>"Sorry, you lack the ambition to be Slytherin or Ravenclaw. And even you know you're not Gryffindor material, Mister Golden Thigh Hugger."</p><p>Shen Yuan deflated, "You're right."</p><p>"Okay, now do me!" Shang QingHua grabbed the Sorting Hat and stuck it on his head.</p><p>"Hufflepuff."</p><p>"OH, COME ON!!! WE BOTH CAN'T BE HUFFLEPUFF!!!"</p><p>"He's very sneaky and smarmy, he has to be worthy of Slytherin!"</p><p>"Thanks, Cucumber-Bro. That really means a lot."</p><p>"What is this Hufflepuff? And why is it so shameful to be banished to their House?"</p><p>Shen Qingqiu sighed. "Slytherin are ambitious and cunning, Ravenclaw are studious and smart, Gryffindor are stupidly brave and athletic. Hufflepuffs are loyal, just, patient, and hardworking."</p><p>"You acted as if this was a terrible thing. Shizun is all of those things. They're what I love about Shizun."</p><p>Shang-Shibo sighed, "They're <em>boring</em>! And all the people who aren't clever, talented, smart, and muscular get sent off to Hufflepuff!"   </p><p>"Strictly speaking, that isn't true. Cedric Diggory was a Hufflepuff."</p><p>The Hat managed to look baffled, "What do you mean <em>was</em>? Did something happen to young Master Diggory?"</p><p>Suddenly Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu looked shifty. "Er, no, nothing happened to him. He's fine. He's perfectly fine. Probably."</p><p>"I think that this House of the Huffed Puff is the best of all houses if Shizun is a member."</p><p>Shen Qingqiu's cheeks took on the barest touch of pink and the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. </p><p>Shang-Shibo dabbed the corners of his eyes with a hanky, "Bro, that is so beautiful. He truly is the greatest of all Wuxia romantic leads!"</p><p>The Transmigrator in the Sorting Hat wondered what terrible things it had done in it's previous life to deserve this being trapped in this bullshit fanfiction world. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>* Hex Appeal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. This was originally in For A Good Time Call Doll Tearsheet and Mistress Quickly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">How Does A Malfoy Stir His Cauldron?</span>
</p>

<p></p><div class="wrapper">
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              <p>
                <em> <strong>26 June 1998</strong> </em>
              </p>
              <p>Draco stifled a yawn. Funerals were such a snooze. 'Ugh, why did aunt Bellatrix have to do a header off the roof <em>this</em> week? I could be practicing with the band!' The Deatheaters had got permission to go onstage at prom and play three songs! Three!</p>
              <p>Reverend Filch coughed and the 'mourners' quickly shuffled to their seats and the ceremony began. </p>
              <p>The chapel door banged open. Tonks strode in and parked her bum on the nearest pew. The rest of the family began to mutter disapprovingly. </p>
              <p>"Hypocrite!", hissed Narcissa. "You won't miss her a bit!"</p>
              <p>"Eh? Who said I was here to mourn her? I'm here to make sure the mad bitch doesn't rise from the dead!"</p>
              <p>The outraged muttering got louder. </p>
              <p>"How dare you? You mudblood loving-", sputtered a decrepit, elderly member of the Malfoy clan. </p>
              <p>Andromeda Tonks rolled her eyes, "You have no magical powers anymore. Essentially we've all become squibs...what makes you think you're better than a muggle?"</p>
              <p>"How <em>dare</em> you disrespect our sister this way-"</p>
              <p>"Cissie, the mad bitch tried to prove she still had magic by riding a Numatic Henry off the top of the Gherkin Tower....I'm pretty sure Belle has pretty much made bringing anymore shame on herself impossible at this point." </p>
              <p>~~~~~</p>
              <p> </p>
              <p>
                <em> <strong>1st November 1972</strong> </em>
              </p>
              <p>"What!? You don't know any maths at all?", asked Murray Prewitt in shock. "What all did they teach you at that fancy magic school they sent you to?"</p>
              <p>Across from him sat his very pregnant second cousin Molly, her husband Arthur and son Bill. </p>
              <p>"Err...magic?", replied his puzzled second-cousin-in-law Arthur Weasley. </p>
              <p>"I don't think that will be much use on the London Stock Exchange."</p>
              <p>"Look, there must be <em>something</em> we can do around your office!", interrupted Molly Weasley. "Any job is fine....we're desperate for the income."</p>
              <p>Their squibb cousin sighed, "I suppose you can do cleaning, but it really doesn't pay much...but it should keep a roof over your heads." He slid a piece of paper across his desk with a number on it. </p>
              <p>Molly and Arthur stared in shock.</p>
              <p>Molly recovered first, "Doesn't pay much? That's three times what the Ministry of Magic paid Arthur!"</p>
              <p>"And it's for only eight hours a day!"</p>
              <p>"What sort of shady labor laws do you wizards even <em>have</em>?"</p>
              <p> </p>
              <p>~~~~~</p>
              <p>
                <em> <strong>20th August 1917</strong> </em>
              </p>
              <p>Merope hung a copper pot on a hook in the fireplace and lit a match to start warming the washing up water. Before she could light the kindling a letter fluttered down the flue. She snatched it up and dropped the match. Paper under the kindling caught fire and began to spread. </p>
              <p>Merope's eyes lit up! Was this a letter from Hogwarts? For her? Merope was a squib....surely they wouldn't send one to her? But it had her name on it! Right there in fancy calligraphy...Ms Merope Gaunt!</p>
              <p>She nervously tore the envelope open: </p>
              <p>【Dear Miss Gaunt....we are pleased to inform you that you have received a scholarship to Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Term begins 1 September</p>
              <p>Sincerely, </p>
              <p>Teresa Calderon-Boot, Headmistress】</p>
              <p>The Ilvermorny mascots on the stationary letterhead started clapping their hands, er paws and claws in congratulations. </p>
              <p>Merope had magic? Merope got a scholarship? Merope was over the moon...for about three seconds. Then her face fell, "How will I ever get there? Father and Brother won't ever allow it and we don't have any money for the trip!" </p>
              <p>Pukwudgie snorted, "You have a scholarship...that includes transportation! The envelope has floo powder embedded in it....just toss it into the fire and leave!"</p>
              <p>Merope looked torn. She could just...go? Just like that? No, she couldn't just <em>go</em>! Not without her family's blessing!</p>
              <p>The kitchen door banged open and she jumped in shock. Her brother had come home. She stuffed the letter down her blouse and scrambled to her feet. The envelope dropped down onto the hearth. </p>
              <p>"What? You haven't gotten the laundry done yet? You stupid cow! You know you're worthless!?", shrieked Morfin Gaunt.</p>
              <p>The firewood popped and a spark landed on the envelope. </p>
              <p>Morfin spotted the fancy gilt stationery. "What's that thing-?"</p>
              <p><em>Fwooom!</em> Merope disappeared before she could answer. </p>
              <p>A moment later, Tommy Riddle rode past on his new welsh cob. He couldn't wait to show her off to his sweetheart Cecelia. </p>
              <p>~~~~~</p>
              <p>
                <em> <strong>16 July 1985</strong> </em>
              </p>
              <p>Lucius Malfoy considered lunging across the counter and strangling each and every member of the Longbottom family. Instead he said through gritted teeth, "Do you want fries with your happy meal?"</p>
              <p>"Er....yes, I suppose."</p>
              <p>"They don't really look very healthy, Frank"</p>
              <p>"All right then...cancel the fries."</p>
              <p>Nevilled tugged his father's sleeve, "Papa, where do Grimaces come from? Are they dangerous?" Pointing at Lucius Malfoy's compatriot in a Mascot costume that was wandering the dining area.</p>
              <p>Lucius looked over the cash register and smirked menacingly, "Dangerous? Oh, yes, <em>very</em> dangerous! They come from the heart of the Province of Ulster...and they're very, very dangerous! Every night they go around to the houses of little boys who hold up the queue and gobble them up pajamas and all!"</p>
              <p>"Waah! Daddy, daddy, the purple beast is going to eat me!" </p>
              <p>"Don't be silly, Neville, daddy won't let any beasts eat you!" comforted his mother.</p>
              <p>"Damnit, Malfoy, quit scaring my son!" </p>
              <p>"Malfoy, sir, I think you have me confused with someone else. My name is Luke Malloy."</p>
              <p>"Oh, come on...I know it's you, Malfoy. I went to school with you for seven years!"</p>
              <p>"Nope, nobody by that name here. Just an honest mudblood trying to make an honest mudblood living!"</p>
              <p>Neville continued to wail. </p>
              <p>~~~~~</p>
              <p>
                <em> <strong>31st October 1970</strong> </em>
              </p>
              <p>Minister Eugenia Jenkins surveyed the crowd in front of the Ministry of Magic. It was pandemonium. She signaled the Aurers stationed around the building and they drew their wands out. </p>
              <p>"<em>SILENCIO!!!</em>", they yelled in unison. </p>
              <p>The crowd was muted. </p>
              <p>"All right then."</p>
              <p>All eyes were on Minister Jenkins. </p>
              <p>"The loss of magic in Pure Bloods has been caused by a curse!"</p>
              <p>'We know that already!', the crowd tried but failed to yell back. They flapped in their robes in helpless rage.</p>
              <p>"Apparently, the anti-Muggle wizards offended a very powerful demon, in fact not just an ordinary demon but a heavenly demon -" the crowd silently whimpered in fright "-who has decided to nip any thoughts of their superiority in the bud."</p>
              <p>The reporters present where all desperately jumping up and down, waving their arms trying to get her attention. They were rendered speechless but still had questions to ask. </p>
              <p>Eugenia ignored everyone and carried on with her announcement. "So the offended demon decided to curse all the members of the Sacred Twenty Eight. Not only do they have no magic of their own, they are also unable to handle any magical objects made by other people. The closer one is related to those families, the more afflicted you are by the curse."</p>
              <p>Here was the toughest part, "And the curse will last one hundred years!"</p>
              <p>The <em>Silencio</em> spell wore off and the crowd roared. 'They were cursed with a hundred years of no magic? What the hell were they going to <em>do</em>?' </p>
              <p>"That is all for today!" Minister Jenkins retreated into the Ministry. </p>
              <p>~~~~~</p>
              <p> </p>
              <p>
                <strong>23rd July 1991</strong>
              </p>
              <p>An owl circled a modest house and fluttered down to a tree outside a bedroom window. A young girl was sitting on her bed reading a book. The owl hooted and the child looked out at it.</p>
              <p>"<em>Glaucidium passerinum</em>", the child looked at it and said. "You're a long way from home...how did you get here?" She stood up and opened the window and the owl flew in and perched on her desk. </p>
              <p>"What's that tied you've got in your talons? Is that a letter?"</p>
              <p>The little girl reached out and the owl flew off out the window leaving the letter behind. Hermione picked up the letter and opened it. </p>
              <p>【Dear Miss Granger....we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Qing Jing Peak, Cang Qiong Mountain. Term begins 1 September. </p>
              <p>Sincerely, </p>
              <p>Yue Qingyuan, Sect Master】</p>
              <p> A pamphlet fell out of the envelope. "It's nickname is Bookworm Peak and it has the largest library in many worlds...." The girl smiled to herself. "<em>Many</em> worlds? That sounds interesting." </p>
              <p> </p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>* They put their wand in and the world revolves around them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. This was also from For A Good Time Call Doll Tearsheet and Mistress Quickly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">How Many Wizards Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On a mountain top in the Tian Gong Mountain range, Yue Qingyuan was giving a job interview. Before him was a small creature dressed head to toe in peculiar red and green clothing. </p>
<p>"I see from the recommendation letter sent by Shang-shidi that you are applying for the housekeeping job at Baizhan Peak, is that correct?" he said while looking at the pasty creature with batwing ears and huge green eyes sitting across from him.</p>
<p>The small fellow whipped off his pointy, floppy hat and kowtowed vigorously. "Yes, master is correct. This one and his companions would grovel to master for the privilege of cleaning master's sect." </p>
<p>"Typically we only employ humans-"</p>
<p>"Master, <em>please please please please please</em> these small ones only wish to be useful!"</p>
<p>Behind where Doby was sitting, hundreds of other house elves attired in tiny tunics, curly pointed shoes and cheerful stockings, and odd droopy pointed hats. They all collapsed to the ground sobbing piteously into hankies embroidered with holly wreaths. </p>
<p>Yue Qingyuan sighed. Liu-shidi couldn't kick up that much a fuss now that An Ding Peak had flatly refused to clean up and repair anymore wreckage caused by Bai Zhan Peak disciples. </p>
<p>"Very well, you're hired as the maintenance staff of Bai Zhan Peak." </p>
<p>Wild cheering broke out. The little people danced around and waved their pointy hats around making the jingle bells tinkle merrily. </p>
<p>"There is the matter of payment...it's 4 silver <em>liang</em> per week."</p>
<p>Muttering broke out. </p>
<p>Doby took a deep breath, "Master, this unworthy slave can't accept 4 silvers!"</p>
<p>Winky sat up and yelled, "We'll only do it for two silvers! And not a penny more!"</p>
<p>"Two? Two? Absurd!", Kreacher yelled. "That's two too many!"</p>
<p>The crowd of house elves yelled, "Nothing! We demand nothing!" </p>
<p>Yue Qingyuan felt a headache coming on.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>* Depends...what do you want to change it into?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">What Do You Call A Vegan Witch With An Organic Garden?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>In a private train compartment that would put a Gilded Age Pullman to shame, Shen Qingqiu leaned back on the overstuffed upholstered seat and sipped some Darjeeling tea and gazed across his dainty porcelain cup at Shang Qinghua. They were not wearing their usual Xanxia robes, and were instead dressed in bespoke Roaring Twenties western-style clothing that would put the Arrow Collar Man to shame....for reasons!</p><p>"Every bloody Millennial on the planet has read a book from that series, or watched the films, or fallen into the author's website, or tripped over some fan work at some point in their lives....why would I be shocked by the revelation that you once wrote fanfiction for it? I would only be shocked if you <em>hadn't</em> wrote Harry Potter fanfiction!"</p><p>Luo Binge placed a tray of snacks down on the tea table. "Shizun, we should be arriving at Huan Hua Palace in about twenty minutes."</p><p>Shen Qingqiu continued, "The greatest surprise is you didn't write some godawful Gary Stu, self-insert Snape on Harry action."</p><p>Shang Qinghua sniggered into his tea and whispered under his breath, "Technically I did that already..."</p><p>"<em>What</em>?", Shen Qingqiu asked sharply.</p><p>"Er nothing....nothing!" Shang Qingqiu sweat-dropped. <em>'Close call!'</em> he thought. <em>'Cucumber-bro must never know the truth!'</em></p><p>"I'm rather surprised by how much you hated Hermione x Ron but love Ginny x Harry."</p><p>"Please...even Rowling thinks Hermione and Ron were a mistake!" </p><p>"Okay, but explain why you're okay with Ginny and Harry?"</p><p>"Dude, the boy had serious-" They both snerked and said <em>"Sirius"</em> at the same time. "Harry has a lot of issues because he's an orphan, right. He desperately wants Ron Weasley's family as his own....Cucumber-bro, there's only like two female Weasleys around and one of them is Ron's mom! Of course Harry married Ginny! That monster in his chest wasn't love, it was codependency!"</p><p>"Yeah, but why would Ginny want him?"</p><p>"Ginny is a Ron stand-in, Bro. Ron envied Harry's fame, popularity, looks, wealth, and no fucking siblings! Ron said the quiet parts out loud for the rest of the Weasley kids."</p><p>"Yes...but in your half-arsed fanfiction version of this world, Harry and Ginny got married <em>anyway</em>, despite the fact Harry is no longer the Boy Who Lived and is now The Boy Who Is A Spoiled Wanker Just Like Dudley Dursley."</p><p>"Bro....he's still filthy rich and the Weasleys are still piss poor."</p><p>"Ah, <em>yes</em>, there is <em>that</em>."</p><p>The two cultivators continued to sip tea until the Huan Hua Palace Express, formerly the Hogwarts Express, pulled into the station. The Ministry of Magic had sold it to Cang Qiong Sect cheap when Luo Binghe promised to shorten the Pure Blood Curse.  Shen Qingqiu would never have to ride in one of those wretched unsprung Ming Dynasty horse carriages again. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>* Super Natural</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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